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[freneticism]

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TFLN

[freneticism]

01. i'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously.
02. did you take pictures of the fish tank at the sheriff station or did you let me down?
03. i think matching sweaters would make us look approachable!
04. why is hotel staff asking about the blood in our room?

3. ....and possibly others to come

[polemic]

I agree. Approachable to the unwashed masses who want ask, for the dozenth time, if we're brothers.

[ wildly varying ethnicities totally outweighed by two men who display even an iota of visible affection for one another, you see. ]

c:

[freneticism]

[ what a curious world they live in. ]

i like to try to take it as a weird kind of compliment??
there's nothing wrong with the idea that i have at least a fraction of your maddening attractiveness.

but uh
is that a no to the sweaters?

the question is: have either of those actually happened

[polemic]

Fft. Get your own maddening attractiveness. Ignorance is not a compliment, and you shouldn't encourage it.

That's

[ ughhhhhh he doesn't want to agree to this, but. compromise, that's a thing he's trying to do. ]

A last resort. Okay? Matching sweaters are a last resort, like wearing a bald wig, or pretending to speak Bulgarian

i mean yes

[freneticism]

does it count as encouragement if i take some small pleasure from their ignorance and then watch while you tear them to pieces?
remember the last time? what did you say?? [ a brief pause while he laughs to himself. ]
you almost made that man cry.

well, you'll be happy to know that i have now purchased matching sweaters for when we're in need of a last resort.
they're seafoam green. with embroidered pineapples.

1. i said there might be more

[polemic]

Packing emergency bacon means there is no way you can veto snowshoes.

does a happy dance

[freneticism]

snowshoes take up way more space than bacon.

twirls u!!

[polemic]

Bacon will not get us back to civilization intact.

dips!!!

[freneticism]

snowshoes don't provide sustenance, sebastian.

[ intentionally misses the point. he's not a troll, what are you talking about. ]

4. THAT'S RIGHT (1/2)

[polemic]

Shit

They're going to put that on the bill, aren't they?

2/2; several minutes later

[polemic]

[ ...... oh right ]

I'm fine, don't start worrying.

1/???

[freneticism]

you should lead with "i'm fine" next time, please.

[ it's only fair, especially since zetes thinks he can remember a time when sebastian had to tell him the same. ]

2/4 i think

[freneticism]

what happened???

3/4

[freneticism]

also yeah i think they have the right.

I'M DONE

[freneticism]

but HEY
i might have enough toothpaste to get it out?

1/some number

[polemic]

[ ...damn it, this is one of those times he has to concern himself with the actual feelings of other people, isn't it. or. well, person. whose feelings he cares about very much! fuck. >C

is it time for actual sincerity oh yes, that's right.]

I'll lead with that next time. On the off-chance there is a next time

[ be realistic, sebastian, there will be a next time ]

Yeah. I'll do that. Got it.

2

[polemic]

Hey--I'm sorry I worried you. I just did that thing where I forgot to think before I hit send; you know how it goes when you have the emotional sophistication of lint.

[ lint that periodically fails to remember someone else cares about his safety and well-being now, really. damn it!!! ]

It's really fine, promise. There was a slight altercation with a wall.

OKAY I TOO AM DONE

[polemic]

?? Do you use toothpaste on bloodstains? It would beat spitting on it I guess.

1/3

[freneticism]

next time. don't forget.

[ there will definitely be a next time.

but he gets it!!! he does. sebastian has lived a life in which very few people were texting him on a regular basis to make sure he was okay. which is horribly unfair, but that's another discussion entirely. for now, some reassurance is in order. ]

i know it's hard for you. i mean, as a very cute piece of lint that i have imagined carrying around in my pocket on more than one occasion.
just know that i appreciate knowing that you're not bleeding out somewhere.

2/3

[freneticism]

and on another serious note i'm sure i've warned you about walls in the past.
they can be pretty aggressive.
gotta keep your eyes on those walls.

[ 'serious,' he says. ]

[freneticism]

toothpaste or meat tenderizer, yeah! 'course i forgot my meat tenderizer this time.
but spit also works, don't knock spit.

for SEBASTIAN

[freneticism]

i got shit to do i know you do too but i won't let go of you 'til you push me away so kiss me in the doorway

[polemic]

[ things a person should not be doing while surrounded by mountains of flammability: lighting his third cigarette in an hour, especially when all smoking is ostensibly done on the balcony.

and yet, that is exactly what sebastian tantalo is engaged in this blustery, rainy fall morning - making the open window kind of a dicey prospect, but it's that or fishbowl the room - along with his second cup of coffee, charlie parker, and a sheaf of documents thicker than his wrist. on zetes' side of the office, a place he rarely visits unless they're making out in the very desk chair he's sitting in, because it is a barren wasteland devoid entirely of any organization. sebastian is still trying to put things back down where he found them; who knows, there might be a system at work here! a system that will eventually reveal the third in triplicate copies of his conceal and carry permit! ha. ha ha. eventually: ]

Zetes! [ bellowed in the general direction of the open door ] Your stuff is in serious danger of being alphabetized; leaving me alone in this condition is like throwing rice at a vampire wedding.

[ because in some mythos vampires have that compulsive need to count things...never mind, zetes can be nothing but used to sebastian's special brand of sebastianness by now. ]

[freneticism]

[ there are very few things that can drag zetes mae away from freshly procured donut holes—especially the maple glazed kind, which is the designation attached to all twelve doughy delights he's just ceremoniously dumped out on the office's front desk—but the threat of organization appears to make the list. because maybe there is a system to the particular configuration of his side! or, at least, there is the vague impression of one, something zetes has grown accustomed to and possibly proud of.

he appears at the door with one donut hole safely tucked inside his cheek, his purple windbreaker and one of his more well-loved baseball caps still dripping from his quick jaunt to the cornerstone cafe. he blinks at the state of things, at the state of sebastian with his coffee and cigarette and his incorrigibly old-fashioned taste in music, and his look of concern morphs slightly into one of fondness. he chews thoughtfully as he reaches for one of his impressive stacks of papers, almost displacing a tube of paint that he had previously believed to have gone missing. ]

What did my stuff ever do to deserve threats? [ he asks, as though he's hurt on his stuff's behalf. then: ] I guess a vampire wedding would have to happen at night, right? Do you think they'd kiss at the end or bite each other?

[ he turns to sebastian, eyebrows raised quizzically, and then pretends to remember something else is clearly going on here. he smiles. ] Are you looking for something in particular, or... ?

[ or is this all just an elaborate plan to get him to make out with you, sebastian? to be fair, from the general air of the room, zetes is banking on the former. ]

[polemic]

[ despite his most valiant attempts not to give in, sebastian's document-induced ire visibly deflates a degree or two at just zetes all... damp and clearly in need of a towel dry, followed by restorative cuddling, which is not helped by anything else he then does or says. zetes possesses this unique ability to somehow make silly speculation challenging and fun, whereas anyone else inviting him to ponder the particulars of a vampire wedding would have been promptly withered to death. ]

I'm looking for my certificate as a Doctor of vampir...ology. Obviously. My expert opinion concludes two vampires biting each other would be like trying to tickle yourself.

[ he quickly rescues the paint tube, in the meanwhile, sticking his cigarette in the corner of his mouth for safekeeping, drawing in a long pull of delicious carcinogens and letting the smoke out of his nostrils like a dragon. because he can. ]

Okay no, it's time for us to renew our licenses in carrying instruments of murder and or shooting random holes in perfectly good walls, so I'm trying to find a copy of my fucking last one. It's been stolen by fairies. Apparently.